Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Last night I dreamed.....

****warning: Very EMOTIONAL. I still get goosebumps and cry just thinking about it. You may not want to read.****

That Hubby, B & I were all taking a bath. I had washed B's hair and turned around to rinse my hair out. When I was done, I looked over to say something to hubby and found that he and B had both fallen asleep. They were both underwater. I scooped B up and held her above me (much like you do a baby.) She just flopped, absolutely no movement of any sort. As it seems to happen in a dream, I opened my mouth to scream at hubby, but no sound whatsoever came out. I kicked him, then reached over and pulled his head above the water. He gasped in some air and stayed above the water, but continued to sleep. Panicking, I tried to remember what my CPR class years and years ago taught me about doing chest compressions on a 3 year old. I couldn't remember. I continued to scream at hubby to help me. He continued to be unresponsive, but breathing. In the dream-like fashion, I was all of a sudden out of the tub with B lying, listless, on the floor. The screaming in my head went on and on.

Then I woke up. Terrified.

K was snuggled up next to me, so I put my arm around my precious baby girl and cried over her. Waking up hubby without explanation, he held my hand above K's head. He offered to go check on B when I said that I had to make sure that she was alright. But, no, I had to see it with my own eyes, hear her sweet sleep breathing with my own ears.

Climbing into her bed with her, she nestled right into me briefly, then opened her eyes to look for light behind the curtain. "It's OK, B, it's still nigh-night time. I was just lonely for you." She looked back at me with a precious smile and said, "I was lonely for you too, Mommy. Nigh-Night."

Feeling reassured but still very unsettled and competely emotional, I had Hubby scoot over to make room for me on his side of the bed. He put arms around me and listened to me cry until I felt OK enough to get over to my side of the bed again.

Jesus Loves Me was my solace. I can't tell you the number of times that I sang that as I lay awake last night thanking God for every single day that I have with my precious, beautiful children.